ME: Uhhh, I’m on an isolated, unpaved farm road in the middle of the desert at 3am. So yes, unless the coyotes get me.
ME: *sigh* Yes! I’m ok
RA: How May I assist you
ME: I have a flat tire and need roadside assistance
RA: To best assist you I need to get some information first
ME: OK, but first are you sure you can get somebody out to me here? If not I’ll call AAA.
RA: First a few questions
What’s your name please?
ME: Elizabeth Whitener
RA: Spell that please
ME: E L I Z A B E T H W H I T E N E R
RA: W H I T N E R?
ME: W H I T E
RA: W H I T T?
ME: Whitener… like tooth polish
RA: Long pause.
W H I T T N E R
ME: White ! As in the colour than N E R
I can tell she still doesn’t have it.
RA: Address please
Ahhh, she’s going to try and find me via my address.
I found you.
Year, make, model and colour of car?
ME: 2004 Lincoln Aviator, Silver
ME: I’m the only vehicle on a 15 mile swath of road in the middle of the night, can’t confuse me.
RA: Where in Texas are you located
ME: I’m not in Texas I’m in New Mexico
RA: Ok let me update your address
ME: I don’t live in New Mexico, I’m stuck in New Mexico
RA: Oh so you don’t want me to update your address.
ME: I want you to get someone out here to fix my tire. I’m stuck in the middle of the desert at 1am. Do you even have a provider available?
RA: What’s you’re location?
ME: I’m smack dab in the middle of 52A between I25 and 14N. 16 miles from Madrid 14 miles North of 14N (I knew the 14 miles north of 14 N was gonna fuck her up and it did.
RA: 14 miles of North?
ME: I’m the only one a 15 mile stretch of road, I can’t be missed.
RA: I need to get more information for the driver to find you?
ME: Are you even sure you can get someone to me in the middle of the desert at 2am?
RA: I just have a few more questions. What’s the reading in your odometer?
RA: Which tire is flat?
ME: back right
RA: Do you have a spare?
ME: Yes but I’m unsure if it’s good.
RA: Are you alone?
ME: Just me and the dog
RA: How big is the dog?
I almost slammed the phone to pieces in the dashboard. I can here the operator next to her telling the caller she cannot find her a provider.
I’m tempted to hang up and call AAA. I know she won’t find a tow for me but the questions continue.
Clouds roll over the little light provided by the full moon on the unlighted, gravel road. The dog is snoring from her hammock in the back seat. I contemplate sleeping in the car over continuing this conversation.